okay, so i didn’t play fortnite at all last night. i slept so long, then i woke up and felt like crap.

i have had sleep apnea for a long time. i feel like it started when i was young, but i wasn’t officially diagnosed until i was an adult. i was started on cpap therapy, then switched to bipap because cpap wasn’t enough. i still experience extreme sleepiness; therefore, i was following up frequently with my sleep doctor.

i had a repeat sleep study done and they did a pressure change on my machine. after no effect, they scheduled an mslt to rule out narcolepsy. the first mslt appointment was postponed due to a staffing issue. the second and third were canceled by me because there was a lot of snow and the driving conditions were horrendous. by the time i was getting ready to actually complete the mslt, my insurance was canceled unexpectedly about a week prior.

so, for the past several months, i have not been able to attend any necessary appointments. hubby is offered insurance through his work, but takes a pretty significant pay cut if he opts in. getting a job/getting my own insurance plan is out of the question at the moment due to a combination of different things. to be honest, i have a multitude of medical issues. a lot of these “issues” compound on top of each other and affect me every single day. additionally, transportation is a major issue as we only have one vehicle at the moment and the hubby works an unconventional shift.

i literally have no clue what the hell we are supposed to do because everything is so ridiculously unaffordable.

enough of my bitching.

right now, i am watching the hubby play assassin’s creed and thinking about dinner even though it’s only 2 pm. for some reason, baked mac and cheese sounds so amazing right now.

apparently, we are supposed to get some good storms tomorrow. we shall see!

i lost my hamster, lucy, early this morning. i noticed something was off with her about a week or so ago when she blew up out of no where. having owned hamsters previously, it’s easy for me to recognize a tumor, and i think that’s ultimately what she passed away from. i also don’t think that she was exactly young when i adopted her. it makes me sad because she was one of the sweetest hamsters i’ve owned. she loved food and she loved me. the hubby will be burying her in our backyard.

i do not know if i’m going to get another ham anytime soon. part of me wants to because i know that i can give one a good life. part of me doesn’t want to because we have a full house as it is.

having lost chessie and now losing lucy, i have had a rough couple of weeks.

on another note, i started playing fortnite with one of my best friends a couple of months ago. almost nightly, we have a whole friend group we play with, which is around 8-10 people. the game is fun, but the part i look forward to the most is the socialization. i don’t have friends that i regularly hang out with in real life aside from my husband. my best friend and i would hang out in-person, but she lives out of state. therefore, it’s nice to have something to look forward to every night, even if that “something to look forward to” is all of us bitching each other out in-game and causing chaos. it has literally been so much fun and a great source of entertainment. it has also helped me tremendously as far as coping with the loss of chessie and other life craziness.

anyway, i have not accomplished much today. it has been hotter than hell outside, so i have been trying to stay in the house. the heat index here has been 100+ and i’m not about that life.

jeremy is at the store getting dog food and stuff to make texas trash dip. i am currently starving. i wanted to eat supper when jeremy got home last night, but i was so exhausted from not having my daily nap that we went straight to bed. i have had this horrible habit lately of napping around 5-6 pm and not waking up until around 11 pm. i need to snap out of it.

as far as this evening/this weekend is concerned, i’m not sure what we will be doing. i know i’ll be playing fortnite. aside from that, we will probably just stay cooped up in the house and attempting to stay cool.

Yesterday was the 10th wedding anniversary for my husband and me. Total, we have been together for 11 years.

It’s unreal to me that I met him when I was 25 years old and now, I am getting ready to turn 36 years old in a few months. Time has absolutely flown.

My husband and I “met” via the dating app, Plenty of Fish. After conversing there, we texted and talked on Facebook briefly until I ghosted him. Several months later, I decided to text him on a whim. At that time, I was going through a rough breakup with a long-term on and off boyfriend. He was there for me through it all and we have been inseparable since.

We started officially dating in May 2015, then married on June 10, 2016. I don’t remember too much of the engagement phase because we were only engaged for a very short period of time. He officially proposed to me in front of the fridge of our first house together, which was a rental.

I wish I would have enjoyed the engagement phase more, but when you are young and in love, nothing can wait.

Since our marriage, we have had our fair share of ups and downs – losing 15+ people who attended our wedding day (two sets of grandparents, his twin brother and many others), him being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, losing the only house we ever owned…the list goes on. When we said, “for better, for worse…”, we definitely meant it.

For our anniversary, we ate porky cheese fries from Ridgeview BBQ, a local restaurant. It is one of our absolute favorite meals. Then, we came home, played Fortnite and he went to work.

Even though today is technically Thursday, we always call it “Friday” because it’s the start of his weekend. He will work 3:30-12:00 tonight, then he’ll be off for two days. I’m looking forward to spending time together. Truthfully, though, I look forward to it every week. When he is home, I don’t feel anxious, I don’t feel “on edge” and I feel like I can actually relax. When he’s working, I feel like I either have to sleep or try to find ways to distract myself until he’s home. Thank you, anxiety.

It is 87 f*cking degrees out and I am about to have a meltdown.

The house we currently live in is a multigenerational home. My great-grandparents, grandparents and their children all lived here at some point. The house is old.

While Granny and Papa lived here, the house was always hot. They did not care because they were always cold. When Jeremy and I came to visit, it was like walking in a sauna. There was something definitely wrong with the heating and cooling.

The house was serviced for many years by a local HVAC company. Granny and Papa paid a separate fee for them to perform routine maintenance, such as cleaning out the vents every so often. After Papa passes away and while my husband and I are living here, the HVAC suddenly stops working. We wake up one morning in the dead of winter and it is about 50 degrees in the house.

“This thing looks like it has been neglected for years,” the company says. Mind you, it’s the same company that has been servicing it for 10+ years. We were quoted $20k to completely replace the unit.

Who the f*ck has $20k? Not me. Not my husband.

Since then, we have been heating with space heaters and cooling with window units. Winter is not so bad. Summer is a nightmare. Summer is a nightmare specifically because I am an A1 bitch when I am hot. I also become nauseous and sick if I am overheated.

At the moment, I have no solution other than buying some more powerful window units.

I miss our old house. I miss living in the woods and being surrounded by trees that protected me from the hellacious sun. That’s another story for another time, though.

According to Google, it’s 58 degrees in Alaska. Who wants to move?